37. Love

As I was walking back home, I thought about how one can do so much, endure so much, get through so much, and tolerate/put up with so much, for love. My son teaches me every day to be more grateful, more compassionate, more patient, and more giving. He lets me be thankful for that precious fifteen minutes of being able to quietly eat lunch, or browse through a few pages. I picked up for a travel book, and a 'Destination Weddings' travel brochure during my stroll, and wondered, 'Either I must be crazy, or crazily in love to think about getting married' - to a person who'd record a voice mail with my screaming child because I went into a library for five minutes when I was only supposed to drop off books, a man who cannot console a crying child for five minutes, a parent who'd put a crying child next to my door, when I've spent thirteen hours looking after that same child, was tired and feeling low, and wanted to sleep, a father who finds it frustrating to console an infant for half an hour, when I spend hours, days, figuring ways to entertain my child, to make him smile, to console him when he's having a crying fit. Then I thought about love, about my unconditional love for my child, about doing what it takes in his best interests, about how Eric lights up when his dad comes home after work, about how I wanted to be a parent so badly, and now I am, and about how my partner sometimes does things that make me smile, and make me thankful to be with him. I thought about the friends who stayed beside me when I was sinking into an abysmal depression, about how I would want others to treat me if I were in someone else's shoes, about how life is still better with a spouse and father in my and my child's lives, about how there is always the possibility of things getting better, of being optimistic. I thank my child for teaching me to remain grounded and patient and loving every day, and to be thankful for the little joys in life, despite feeling increasingly overwhelmed and fearing the threat of falling back into that abyss. I am grateful for unconditional, nurturing love, that helps me weather the storm, and keeps me fighting for the good and blessings around me. Thank you.